Maid of Dishonor – Best Fun Series


(I work in a small ‘special occasions’ dress boutique. Today, my customer is a bride, with her bridesmaids, and the bride’s mother. The bride’s sister looks about 16 or 17.)

maid

Bride’s Sister: “Okay, so I know you’re the one getting married, but I still have to look hot. My dress has to look hot. I have to stand out.”

Bride: “Well, we’ll have a look at what they have in my colors for my wedding, and see what they have that can be made to flatter all of you. But the only dress that will be different is the maid-of-honor dress, and since you aren’t the maid-of-honor, you’ll be wearing a bridesmaid’s dress.”

Bride’s Sister: “Okay, first of all, I’m not wearing a dress in your colors. Second, I’m not wearing the same thing these girls are wearing. I have to look like the hottest b**** in the entire room.”

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Scotsman and Irishman – jokes 3


true-story

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all entered a 26 mile long swimming race.

After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out.

Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out.

After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can’t finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.

The End

season_ticket

Season Ticket – Short funny stories


season_ticket

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”

“Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”

“Absolutely not,” he said.

“How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”

“Season’s more than half over,” he said.

The End

Elephant and Friends : Funny story


elephant and friends

 

Elephant and Friends :

One day an elephant wandered into a forest in search of friends.

He saw a monkey on a tree.

“Will you be my friend?” asked the elephant.

Replied the monkey, “You are too big. You can not swing from trees like me.”

Next, the elephant met a rabbit. He asked him to be his friends.

But the rabbit said, “You are too big to play in my burrow!”

Then the elephant met a frog.

“Will you be my friend? He asked.

“How can I?” asked the frog.

“You are too big to leap about like me.”

The elephant was upset. He met a fox next.

“Will you be my friend?” he asked the fox.

The fox said, “Sorry, sir, you are too big.”

The next day, the elephant saw all the animals in the forest running for their lives.

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From The Best Funny Story About Lawyers ~ The Slick Attorney


funny

A Godfather in the mob finds out that his bookkeeper has stolen ten million bucks.

This bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: “Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The attorney tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

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Just follow the Tracks – Just for Fun


Just follow the Tracks

 rail-cartoon
Three men are stranded in the middle of the Canadian Forest and they don’t know where they are at. They decide that they have to find some food. So the first man leaves and tells the other two that he is going to get some food.

Several Hours later, he comes back with a deer over his shoulder. The other two are amazed and ask him how he got a deer with no weopans. He replies, ” I findtracks, i follow tracks, i get deer”. They both are slightly confused but let it go.

oneweek later, they have eaten the deer, so they need to get more food. The second guy leaves and says that he is going to get food. He comes back a couple hours later with a elk over his shoulder. The other two ask how he got the elk. He simply replies, “I find tracks, i follow tracks, i get Elk”.

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Funny Stories – Blonde Guys


From The Outrageous Funny Story Files…
Funny Story About Blondes ~ Best Blonde Guy Story Ever

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke….. And well worth the wait!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican! opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blonde opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

(Oh this is GOOD!!)?

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife. The blonde’s wife said,

“Don’t look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.”