Top 7 Blonde Jokes of all time



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Blonde Jokes

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, “What’s the story?”

He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor”

She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

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The Halloween Surprise – Top US funny story


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A COUPLE was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

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My hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub…. best fun ever


My hobby is to see bubble in the…

funny

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students.As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to Introduce themselves with name and hobby.She said, ” Let’s start with the boys first.”

Boys start giving their intro…

First boy: “My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.”

Teacher was confused to listen but said, “Interesting.

Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it’s ok John. Yes next.”

Second boy: “Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub.”

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Jack the Giant-Killer – Joseph Jacobs tales


Jack The Giant Killer Film

When good King Arthur reigned, there lived near the Land’s End of England, in the county of Cornwall, a farmer who had one only son called Jack. He was brisk and of a ready lively wit, so that nobody or nothing could worst him.

In those days the Mount of Cornwall was kept by a huge giant named Cormoran. He was eighteen feet in height, and about three yards round the waist, of a fierce and grim countenance, the terror of all the neighbouring towns and villages. He lived in a cave in the midst of the Mount, and whenever he wanted food he would wade over to the main- land, where he would furnish himself with whatever came in his way. Everybody at his approach ran out of their houses, while he seized on their cattle, making nothing of carrying half-a-dozen oxen on his back at a time; and as for their sheep and hogs, he would tie them round his waist like a bunch of tallow-dips. He had done this for many years, so that all Cornwall was in despair.

One day Jack happened to be at the town-hall when the magistrates were sitting in council about the Giant. He asked: “What reward will be given to the man who kills Cormoran?” “The giant’s treasure,” they said, “will be the reward.” Quoth Jack: “Then let me undertake it.”

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Wish of The Lion – Grandma tales


Wish of The Lion :

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Once, a fierce lion lived in a forest. A woodcutter with his wife and their beautiful daughter Rupa lived in a small hut by the edge of the forest. One time the lion happened to see Rupa. He was so captivated by her beauty that he wished to make her his wife.

So the lion went to the woodcutter’s hut and roared loudly. “Woodcutter, I want to marry your daughter Rupa. If you refuse I will kill you all.”

The woodcutter said, “Let me ask my daughter first.”

He went inside the hut and came out a few minutes later. Then he said, “Rupa is scared of your sharp teeth and claws. She said if you would cut them off, she will agree to be your wife.”

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The Great Blonde Kidnap


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A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

The End

Scotsman and Irishman – jokes 3


true-story

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all entered a 26 mile long swimming race.

After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out.

Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out.

After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can’t finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.

The End

The Boss & the trainee – Fun * Fun * Fun


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A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, “Get me a coffee quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded, “You fool you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?”

No”, replied the trainee.

“It’s the Managing Director of the company, you fool!” The man shouted back, “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?”

“No”, replied the Managing Director. “Thats Good!”, replied the trainee and put down the phone!

HaHa! I hope you learn from this and that this never happens to you!!

** The End **

presidents candle dinner – funny story series


candle dinner

One day president and his wife sat for the dinner and suddenly realized that power was gone. fortunately there was a candle on the dining table and they lit up the candle and continue their dinner.
Presidents wife : “It’s too warmth here! 
President : “Wait I will witch on the fan” .
President stand up and walks towards the fan.
President Wife : “Are you mad? If you switch on the fan candle light will be gone!

Read more: http://www.jesurajlove.com

Funny Story About Sin ~ The Worms


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A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday Sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.

Second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.

Third worm in sperm – Dead.
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Elephant and Friends : Funny story


elephant and friends

 

Elephant and Friends :

One day an elephant wandered into a forest in search of friends.

He saw a monkey on a tree.

“Will you be my friend?” asked the elephant.

Replied the monkey, “You are too big. You can not swing from trees like me.”

Next, the elephant met a rabbit. He asked him to be his friends.

But the rabbit said, “You are too big to play in my burrow!”

Then the elephant met a frog.

“Will you be my friend? He asked.

“How can I?” asked the frog.

“You are too big to leap about like me.”

The elephant was upset. He met a fox next.

“Will you be my friend?” he asked the fox.

The fox said, “Sorry, sir, you are too big.”

The next day, the elephant saw all the animals in the forest running for their lives.

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Mr Bear and Mr Rabbit : Just for fun


bear jokes
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn’t like each other very much.
One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn’t often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.