The Angry Birds Movie (2016)


The Angry Birds Movie (2016)

Angry Birds (original title)
PG | 1h 37min | Animation, Action, Comedy | 20 May 2016 (USA)

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Directors:

Clay Kaytis, Fergal Reilly

Writers:

John Cohen (story by), Mikael Hed (story by)

Stars:

Jason Sudeikis, Josh Gad, Danny McBride

An island populated entirely by happy, flightless birds or almost entirely. In this paradise, Red, a bird with a temper problem, speedy Chuck, and the volatile Bomb have always been outsiders. But when the island is visited by mysterious green piggies, it’s up to these unlikely outcasts to figure out what the pigs are up to

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In no particular order – Best Blonde Jokes


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Two blondes walk into a bar, the brunette ducks.

A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette, are you?”

She says, “No, I’m really a blonde.”

“I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I`ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a note saying, “I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.”

The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

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Head in the toilet prank – Just For Laughs


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Basement Mold – Scary story


Basement Mold

The Basement Mold is a scary story about a family who move into a new house and find a strange fungus or mold growing in their basement and their young son acting very strange.

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A young family with one child moves into a new house. The child is a boy, 3 years old. The mother is in the basement one day doing laundry. She hears the boy in the next room playing. She hears him talking and goes to see what he is doing. He is standing looking at a wall and talking away as if someone were there. The mother asks to whom he is talking. The boy replies, “The Sticky Man.”

The parents just think the boy has invented an imaginary friend. He often tells them he was playing with or talking to the Sticky Man. Not just in the basement, but all over the house. The boy talks about the Sticky Man so much that the parents start to get concerned. They explain to the boy that it is okay to have imaginary friends, but he needs to understand that the Sticky Man is not real. This makes the boy very upset, and he insists the Sticky Man is real.

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Antique Doll – Scary Stories


Antique Doll

The Antique Doll is a scary story about a young girl who receives a strange gift on her birthday.

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On the morning of her birthday, Lucy’s mother woke her up and told her a package had arrived in the mail and it was addressed to her.

The girl hurriedly unwrapped the gift and was horrified at what she found inside. It was the most disgusting old doll she had ever seen. It was completely bald and it’s skin was cracked and caked in dirt. The worst thing of all was it’s teeth. They were long, pointy, sharp and beastly. They looked like an animal’s fangs.

With a shiver, she took the doll and threw it in a corner. Her mother scolded her, telling her that someone had gone to a lot of trouble to send her this antique doll. Her mother told her she had better appreciate it.

Lucy tried to protest but her mother would not listen. She forced the young girl to keep the doll. So, to put her mind at rest Lucy stuffed the antique doll into the little cupboard under the stairs, behind a pile of shoes where she wouldn’t have to look at the ugly, evil little thing.

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Choose Ex-teachers – Funny Adult Jokes


Choose Ex-teachers

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A horny young man went to a brothel… The lady at the counter asked him what his choice would be. The man wanted to know what was available.

Madam, “On the first floor, we have the ex-models… they are all slinky and sexy… On the second floor, we have our ex-actresses… they are all buxom and beautiful… On the third floor, we have our ex-teachers…. they…”

Man, “Say no more! Lead me to the third floor.”

Madam, “Are you sure… I’m surprised that you would prefer ex-teachers to ex-models and ex-actresses.”

Man, “It’s obvious, ma’am, teachers always make you do a thing over and over again, until you’re perfect at it.”

-The End-

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Cain and Abel Bible Story – Genesis 4:1-16


A long time ago, just after Adam and Eve had to leave the garden of Eden, they were very sad about disobeying God.  They asked God how they could show Him how sorry they were.  God told them that they could show Him how they felt by sacrificing a lamb, which they did.

After awhile, Adam and Eve had two sons.  Their first son was called Cain and their second was called Abel.

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Cain was a farmer.  He grew vegetables and grains.  Abel was a shepherd who looked the family’s herds.  Cain and Abel were like most siblings — they didn’t always get along.  But they were brothers and loved each other very much, despite their occasional fights.

Adam and Eve (their mom and dad) told Cain and Abel about the message God gave them that they should sacrifice a lamb to God to show how much they appreciated all He’d done and how sorry they were for their sins.

Abel was very concerned that his sacrifice be special to God.  He chose his first and best lamb and offered it to the Lord.  It was hard for Abel to give up his most prized possession, but it was important to him to try his best to do as God had asked.

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Bill Gates Goes to Heaven – real fun – real laugh


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Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before in your case; I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.”

Bill replied, “well, what’s the difference between the two?”

St. Peter said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?”

“I’ll leave that up to you.”

“Okay then,” said Bill, “Let’s try Hell first.”

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

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But dust or Butt dust? (best funny stories ever series)


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What Is Butt Dust???

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in
it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of20your panties. Mine say five to
six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so
much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom
window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s
me?’

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Video

Door-to-door Prank – Giant Speed Bump


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Girl Loses Top Prank ( best sexy pranks ever)


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gags

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Sexy bikini nun (no 1 ranking in YouTube)


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-The End-