The Man and His Two Wives


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A man had two wives. One wife was named Sarah while the other was called Clara. The two wives hated each other and were always fighting. Now, the husband was a middle-aged man and he had white as well as black hair.

One day, Clara decided that the black hair did not look good on him. She wanted to pluck out all the black hair. The man did not want to make his wife angry and allowed her to do so. So Clara plucked out all his grey hair. When Sarah saw her husband, she was shocked. His hair was all white! Now her husband looked really old. To make him look younger, she insisted on plucking out all the white hair on his head. The poor husband was now totally bald trying to please both his wives.

 

-The End-

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A City Of Mice – Short Story


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Once there was a city. All the people had gone away from that city long ago. Now only mice lived there. They had dug holes in the ground and lived in them. So the city was now a city of mice.

One day a large herd of elephants passed through the city. They were on their way to the lake. As they marched through the city of the mice, their feet crushed the holes in which the mice lived. And thus thousands of mice were killed.

The rest of the mice held a meeting. “So many of us have been killed by these huge elephants,” they said. “If they come this way again, all of us shall be killed. We must ask them to find some other way back to their home.”

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The Funny Clever Wife


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There lived a Woman whose Husband had a bad habit. The man would drink a lot every day. This caused him to lose his normal senses for most of the time.

The Woman tried many times to help him get out of this habit. But all her efforts went in vain!

Every night, someone else would have to bring him back home. One such night when he was brought home, the Woman had him carried to a grave in the neighbourhood. She thought she could teach him a good lesson by frightening him and then he would stop his bad habit.

Then she dressed herself in a dark-coloured dress. She wore a mask upon her face. She waited for him to wake up.
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Fence – Best Funny Story Ever


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Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are separated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers.

He called the devil over and said “Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence.” Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence…but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before. “Satan!” beckoned God.

“You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!” “Yeah? What if I don’t?” replied the devil. “I’ll sue you if I have to,” answered God. “Sure,” laughed Satan. “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”

-The End-

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Bill Gates Goes to Heaven – real fun – real laugh


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Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95. I’m going to do something I’ve never done before in your case; I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.”

Bill replied, “well, what’s the difference between the two?”

St. Peter said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.”

“Fine, but where should I go first?”

“I’ll leave that up to you.”

“Okay then,” said Bill, “Let’s try Hell first.”

So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

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But dust or Butt dust? (best funny stories ever series)


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What Is Butt Dust???

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in
it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of20your panties. Mine say five to
six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so
much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom
window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s
me?’

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The Priest’s Rooster


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The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel, which he kept in a hen house behind the parish. However, one Saturday night, he found that his cockerel was missing. Suspecting fowl play, he decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, has anyone got a cock? To which all the men stood up.

“No, no,” he said, somewhat flustered, “that’s not what I meant. “Has anybody SEEN a cock?” All the women stood up.

“No, no,” he said. “That’s not what I meant either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them.” Half the women stood up.

“No, no,” He said, now thoroughly embarrassed “Perhaps I should rephrase the question: Has anybody here seen MY cock?” All the choirboys stood up.

-The End-

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-The End-

 

Forrest Gump Goes to Heaven…


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The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.

Saint Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.”

Forrest responds, “It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”

Saint Peter goes on, “Yes, I know Forrest. But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God’s first name?”

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Daughter’s Valentine – funny story


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Small Jenny arrives home from second grade and says to her daddy which they studied
about the legend of Valentine’s Day. “As Valentine’s Day is actually for a Catholic saint and we are Judaic,” she questions, “will Jesus get insane at me for serving somebody a valentine?” Jenny’s dad wait and thinks a little, then replies “No, I do not presume God could get crazy. Who would would you like to provide a valentine to?””Bin Laden,” she replies. “The reason why Bin Laden,” the girl’s dad questions in surprise.
“OK,” she states, “I felt that when a tiny bit American Judaic girl perhaps have enough like to provide Osama a valentine, he might begin to presume that perhaps we are only a few bad, and perhaps start passionate people a bit of. And if any other kids spotted what I would have done and directed valentines to Osama, he would love all of them. Right after which he would start going all around the area to tell everyone how much cash he loved them and just how he did not hate anybody anymore.”Jenny’s dads heart swells and suddenly he looks at his child with new found pleasure. “Jenny, that is one particular nice thing i have ever noticed.” “I understand,” Jenny says, “and when that gets him out in an open place, the Marines could easily catch him.”

                -The End-
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Attitude Adjustment – Best Funny story


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A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest! You’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant snorting coke, so the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest! You’ll see, you’ll feel so good!” The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

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The first time I met my girlfriend


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The first time I met my girlfriend, I made her laugh and heard a loud but distinct squeak. When I asked her “Did you just squeak?” she smiled and said “I squeak when I laugh…” I was about to say that I thought it was cute, when she added “Loudly, and like a balloon.” with a big grin on her face. Which is how she found out that I snort when I laugh. My roommate tries to get both of us laughing so he can direct the symphony of silly noises.

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Elephant and Friends : Funny story


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Elephant and Friends :

One day an elephant wandered into a forest in search of friends.

He saw a monkey on a tree.

“Will you be my friend?” asked the elephant.

Replied the monkey, “You are too big. You can not swing from trees like me.”

Next, the elephant met a rabbit. He asked him to be his friends.

But the rabbit said, “You are too big to play in my burrow!”

Then the elephant met a frog.

“Will you be my friend? He asked.

“How can I?” asked the frog.

“You are too big to leap about like me.”

The elephant was upset. He met a fox next.

“Will you be my friend?” he asked the fox.

The fox said, “Sorry, sir, you are too big.”

The next day, the elephant saw all the animals in the forest running for their lives.

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