The Story of the Three Little Pigs – By Joseph Jacobs


three-little-pigs

 

Once upon a time when pigs spoke rhyme
  And monkeys chewed tobacco,
  And hens took snuff to make them tough,
  And ducks went quack, quack, quack, O!

There was an old sow with three little pigs, and as she had not enough to keep them, she sent them out to seek their fortune. The first that went off met a man with a bundle of straw, and said to him:

“Please, man, give me that straw to build me a house.”

Which the man did, and the little pig built a house with it. Presently came along a wolf, and knocked at the door, and said:

“Little pig, little pig, let me come in.”

To which the pig answered:

“No, no, by the hair of my chiny chin chin.”

The wolf then answered to that:

“Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your house in.”

So he huffed, and he puffed, and he blew his house in, and ate up the little pig.

The second little pig met a man with a bundle of furze, and said:

“Please, man, give me that furze to build a house.”

Which the man did, and the pig built his house. Then along came the wolf, and said:

“Little pig, little pig, let me come in.”

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Season Ticket – Short funny stories


season_ticket

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”

“Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”

“Absolutely not,” he said.

“How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”

“Season’s more than half over,” he said.

The End

Funny Story About Sin ~ The Worms


cartoon-worms

A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday Sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.

Second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.

Third worm in sperm – Dead.
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Elephant and Friends : Funny story


elephant and friends

 

Elephant and Friends :

One day an elephant wandered into a forest in search of friends.

He saw a monkey on a tree.

“Will you be my friend?” asked the elephant.

Replied the monkey, “You are too big. You can not swing from trees like me.”

Next, the elephant met a rabbit. He asked him to be his friends.

But the rabbit said, “You are too big to play in my burrow!”

Then the elephant met a frog.

“Will you be my friend? He asked.

“How can I?” asked the frog.

“You are too big to leap about like me.”

The elephant was upset. He met a fox next.

“Will you be my friend?” he asked the fox.

The fox said, “Sorry, sir, you are too big.”

The next day, the elephant saw all the animals in the forest running for their lives.

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The Three Little Pigs – fairy tales best ever


Three-Little-Pigs1

Once upon a time there was and old pig with three little pigs, and one day she said to them: “My children, it is time for you to go out in the world and seek your fortunes”.
So, bidding their mother good-bye, the three little pigs set out to earn their living.

Three-Little-Pigs2

The first little pig, whose name was Whitey, met a man with a bundle of straw and said to him: “Please, mister, will you give me that straw to build a house with?”
The man gave Whitey the straw, and he built himself a house with it.

Three-Little-Pigs3

Presently a wolf came along and knocked at the door of Whitey’s house.
“Little pig, little pig,” he said. “Let me come in.”
But of course Whitey didn’t want the wolf to come in, so he said:
“No, no, by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!”
This made the wolf angry, and he said:

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Strange Cup holder – lol


cup_cdDrive

Tech Rep: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”

Tech Rep: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”

Tech Rep: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”

Caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotion. It just has ‘4X’ on it.”

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn’t stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

The End

Run Run – Fun vs Fun Series


Wile_run

 

I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.

However, I must share the following:

After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type “R,” “U,” “N” and press return to see the program execute.

A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, “I did what you said and it didn’t work.” Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype “R,” “U,” “N” and press return. A few seconds later, the lady’s hand goes up again. “It still doesn’t work,” she said.

So… I went back to see what the problem was … only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !

The End

How I suicide??? – Fun series


blonde3

 

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.

“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.

“What?” sputtered the doctor.
“You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”

“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”

“So then?” asked the doctor.

“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”

“So then?”

“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
The End

Revenge on a Taxi Driver – lol


taxi_cartoon

Two years later the man comes back and goes to the same casino. This time he wins money. As he exits the casino, he sees a long line of Taxi drivers.. and at the end is his enemy from two years ago.

Seeing this, the man decides to get his revenge. He goes up to the first Taxi and says: “hey will you give me a blowjob?” the taxi driver says: “no you freak, get out of my car!”

The man then goes on to the next car and says: “hey will you give me a blowjob?” the taxi driver says: “no you maniac, get out of my car!” The man continues to do this all down the line until he reaches the last taxi, and sees his enemy.

The man asks: “how much for a ride to the airport?” Not recognizing him the driver replies: “$5” “Okay.” says the man and he gets in. Then as he passes the line of other taxis, he sticks his hands out the window and gives them all a big thumbs up.

The End

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An Engineer in Hell


engineer

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What??? You’ve
got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

Eating Grass – lol


eating grass

 

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?”
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”
“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.
“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”
“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You may come with us, also.”
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”
“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

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Season Ticket – Fun


Season Ticket

 reading news
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. “Listen to this,” she said. “There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium.”

“Hmmm,” her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Sarah said, “Would you swap me for a season ticket?”

“Absolutely not,” he said.

“How sweet,” Sarah said. “Tell me why not.”

“Season’s more than half over,” he said.