Peanuts – funny stories of all time :]


old woman

A priest was visiting an old Lady in her home. She offered him coffee and they sat down in the living room for a nice chat.

After a while the man saw a bowl of peanuts at the side table. He asked the old Lady if he could have one. She said of course, help yourself.

After a little while he took some more and she just smiled. So when he wanted even more he said: I am eating so many of your peanuts, I hope it is OK. She answered him:

Eat them all if you want! I cannot chew them with no teeth so I have just sucked of the chocolate on all of them.

The End
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Jack the Giant-Killer – Joseph Jacobs tales


Jack The Giant Killer Film

When good King Arthur reigned, there lived near the Land’s End of England, in the county of Cornwall, a farmer who had one only son called Jack. He was brisk and of a ready lively wit, so that nobody or nothing could worst him.

In those days the Mount of Cornwall was kept by a huge giant named Cormoran. He was eighteen feet in height, and about three yards round the waist, of a fierce and grim countenance, the terror of all the neighbouring towns and villages. He lived in a cave in the midst of the Mount, and whenever he wanted food he would wade over to the main- land, where he would furnish himself with whatever came in his way. Everybody at his approach ran out of their houses, while he seized on their cattle, making nothing of carrying half-a-dozen oxen on his back at a time; and as for their sheep and hogs, he would tie them round his waist like a bunch of tallow-dips. He had done this for many years, so that all Cornwall was in despair.

One day Jack happened to be at the town-hall when the magistrates were sitting in council about the Giant. He asked: “What reward will be given to the man who kills Cormoran?” “The giant’s treasure,” they said, “will be the reward.” Quoth Jack: “Then let me undertake it.”

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Bear Hunting – Funny story series


12373204-the-hunter-to-aim-from-a-gun-in-the-big-bear-a-cartoon

A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll do you in the ass.”

The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over, and the bear does what he said he would do. After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers again and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad.

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Funny Story About Sin ~ The Worms


cartoon-worms

A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday Sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.

Second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.

Third worm in sperm – Dead.
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Strange Cup holder – lol


cup_cdDrive

Tech Rep: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”

Tech Rep: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”

Tech Rep: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”

Caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotion. It just has ‘4X’ on it.”

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn’t stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

The End

Don’t tell your sad story! – fun


Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that theelevators in their hotel were brokenand they would have to climb75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let’s break themonotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. “I will tell my saddest story first,” he said. “I left the room key in the car!”

Smart Fishing – Today’s Fun


Fishing_Cartoon_02tra.1592134

 

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer’s house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish. The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen.

The farmer mentioned the situation to the lake ranger. The ranger then started watching this man and all that the farmer said was true! The man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early afternoon, he had a stringer full of fish. The ranger dressed like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked the ranger in disguise to come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot. The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite.

Ranger: “I’m going to have to place you under arrest – I am a Ranger and you are fishing illegally!”

The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it to the ranger. Stranger: “Are you gonna talk or fish?”

The End

Drug case!!! – Today’s Fun


policeman-cartoon

 

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and persuade them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the weekend?”

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”

“17 people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?”

“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.”

“That’s admirable,” said the judge. “And you, how did you do?” (to the 2nd guy)

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.” “156 people! That’s amazing! How did you manage to do that!” “Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, ‘This is your buttock before prison….

The End

Lawyer In Hell – It’s fun time


Lawyer In Hell

 lawyer-cartoon
lawyer died and was delivered into the devil’s hands. “You will be spending eternity here, but I’ll let you pick your own room from three I’ll show you,” the devil said.

In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. “I don’t like that,” said the man. “Show me the second.”

In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. “Well, that’s better than brick,” the man said, “but show me the third.”

In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of warms infested garbage, all drinking coffee.

“I’ll choose this room,” he said.

Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him.

Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, “OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads.”

The End

Funeral – best fun ever


Funeral

funeral_of_fakir_476985

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the
nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse
about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

The woman was so curious that she respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and

I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a
funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My husband’s.”

“What happened to him?”

The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”

She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”

The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my
husband when the dog turned on her.”

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the
two women.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

“Get in line.”

The End

Funny Story About Animals ~ How I Got an Ostrich


How I Got an Ostrich

funny

A man walked into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asked them for their orders.

The man said, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”

She turned to the ostrich. “What’s yours?” she asked the ostrich.

“I’ll have the same,” said the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returned with the order. “That will be $9.40, please.” And the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich came again and the man said, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”

The ostrich said, “I’ll have the same.”

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Hospital Record – Fun fun fun


Hospital Record

9290217-cartoon-doctor-attending-a-young-patient-in-a-hospital-room

Mr. Wilkins, an elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where he was admitted.

When the doctor arrived for the routine check-up, Mr. Wilkins seemed to be quite concerned at one notation

“I know I was in a bit of a mess, but I didn’t realize I was that bad,” he said to the doctor apologetically. “I hope I didn’t offend anyone.”

He was immensely comforted when the doctor explained the acronym in question meant “Short Of Breath” and not what he thought (S.O.B.).