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Bear Hunting – Funny story series


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A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.

A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll do you in the ass.”

The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his trousers and bends over, and the bear does what he said he would do. After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers again and staggers back into town. He’s pretty mad.

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From The Best Funny Story About Lawyers ~ The Slick Attorney


funny

A Godfather in the mob finds out that his bookkeeper has stolen ten million bucks.

This bookkeeper happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: “Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: “I don’t know what you are talking about.” The attorney tells the Godfather: “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

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Strange Cup holder – lol


cup_cdDrive

Tech Rep: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”

Tech Rep: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”

Tech Rep: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”

Caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotion. It just has ‘4X’ on it.”

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn’t stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

The End

Mr Bear and Mr Rabbit : Just for fun


bear jokes
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn’t like each other very much.
One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn’t often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

How I suicide??? – Fun series


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A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.

“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.

“What?” sputtered the doctor.
“You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”

“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”

“So then?” asked the doctor.

“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”

“So then?”

“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
The End

Smart Fishing – Today’s Fun


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A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer’s house) and would always leave with a stringer full of fish. The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen.

The farmer mentioned the situation to the lake ranger. The ranger then started watching this man and all that the farmer said was true! The man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early afternoon, he had a stringer full of fish. The ranger dressed like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked the ranger in disguise to come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot. The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite.

Ranger: “I’m going to have to place you under arrest – I am a Ranger and you are fishing illegally!”

The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it to the ranger. Stranger: “Are you gonna talk or fish?”

The End

Do not argue with ladies - Funny story

Do not argue with ladies – Funny story


Do not argue with ladies


I am sure that the taxi cab driver learnt that it pays to keep
your mouth shut is some situations
A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Montreal.
It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under the
awnings.
“Mom” said the boy “what are all those women doing?”
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work” she
replied.
The taxi driver turns around and says “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says “Is that true Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers in the
affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks “Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?”
“Most of them become taxi drivers” she said.
The End
Chekhov-Poster-web

Vanka by Anton Chekhov


Chekhov-Poster-webVANKA ZHUKOV, a boy of nine, who had been for three months apprenticed to Alyahin the shoemaker, was sitting up on Christmas Eve. Waiting till his master and mistress and their workmen had gone to the midnight service, he took out of his master’s cupboard a bottle of ink and a pen with a rusty nib, and, spreading out a crumpled sheet of paper in front of him, began writing. Before forming the first letter he several times looked round fearfully at the door and the windows, stole a glance at the dark ikon, on both sides of which stretched shelves full of lasts, and heaved a broken sigh. The paper lay on the bench while he knelt before it.

“Dear grandfather, Konstantin Makaritch,” he wrote, “I am writing you a letter. I wish you a happy Christmas, and all blessings from God Almighty. I have neither father nor mother, you are the only one left me.”

Vanka raised his eyes to the dark ikon on which the light of his candle was reflected, and vividly recalled his grandfather, Konstantin Makaritch, who was night watchman to a family called Zhivarev. He was a thin but extraordinarily nimble and lively little old man of sixty-five, with an everlastingly laughing face and drunken eyes. By day he slept in the servants’ kitchen, or made jokes with the cooks; at night, wrapped in an ample sheepskin, he walked round the grounds and tapped with his little mallet. Old Kashtanka and Eel, so-called on account of his dark colour and his long body like a weasel’s, followed him with hanging heads. This Eel was exceptionally polite and affectionate, and looked with equal kindness on strangers and his own masters, but had not a very good reputation. Under his politeness and meekness was hidden the most Jesuitical cunning. No one knew better how to creep up on occasion and snap at one’s legs, to slip into the store-room, or steal a hen from a peasant. His hind legs had been nearly pulled off more than once, twice he had been hanged, every week he was thrashed till he was half dead, but he always revived.

At this moment grandfather was, no doubt, standing at the gate, screwing up his eyes at the red windows of the church, stamping with his high felt boots, and joking with the servants. His little mallet was hanging on his belt. He was clasping his hands, shrugging with the cold, and, with an aged chuckle, pinching first the housemaid, then the cook.

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Donkey’s day! – funny story


Donkey’s day!

A man had  Donkey. One day this donkey speaks to his owner,Donkey : “Now I have worked for you more than 20 years”.

Man : So tell me, What do you want me to do?

Donkey : OK, I want a partner, can you find me a partner?

Then he realized that he needs to do something to make happy this bud.


He searched everywhere in the town, But he could not find a female donkey anywhere in the city. Finally he went to a circus crew and requested a female donkey for rent. Unfortunately they couldn’t satisfy him.
But they requested to bring female Zebra instead of female donkey. Finally he agreed to get lady Zebra for 5 pounds.
He is so happy and handover lady zebra to his donkey and went to sleep.

Following day he went to donkey and asked “How was your last night? Is it interesting?”

Donkey  said : “It is useless and what a waste of time”. I tried so many times,

But I couldn’t remove her Pijama kit!