Either Screw or Swim – Funny Adult Story ( 18+ Jokes)


Either Screw or Swim

hot blonde cartoon

Hot beach blonde

Mike walks into the bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a big smile on his face. Mike says, “Pat what are you so happy about?”

“Well Mike i gotta tell ya… Yesterday I was out waxing my boat and a redhead came up to me boobs out to here, Mike…boobs out to here! She says, ‘Can I have a ride in your boat?’ I said, ‘Sure you can have a ride in my boat!’ So I took her way out Mike. I turned off the key and said, ‘It’s either screw or swim!’ She couldn’t swim Mike, she couldn’t swim!”

The next day Mike walks into the bar and sees Pat siting at tne end of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, “Well what are you so happy about today Pat?”

Continue reading

Advertisements

The Cactus – by O. Henry (1862-1910)


The most notable thing about Time is that it is so purely relative. A large amount of reminiscence is, by common consent, conceded to the drowning man; and it is not past belief that one may review an entire courtship while removing one’s gloves.

2940013728066_p0_v1_s260x420

That is what Trysdale was doing, standing by a table in his bachelor apartments. On the table stood a singular-looking green plant in a red earthen jar. The plant was one of the species of cacti, and was provided with long, tentacular leaves that perpetually swayed with the slightest breeze with a peculiar beckoning motion.

Trysdale’s friend, the brother of the bride, stood at a sideboard complaining at being allowed to drink alone. Both men were in evening dress. White favors like stars upon their coats shone through the gloom of the apartment.

As he slowly unbuttoned his gloves, there passed through Trysdale’s mind a swift, scarifying retrospect of the last few hours. It seemed that in his nostrils was still the scent of the flowers that had been banked in odorous masses about the church, and in his ears the lowpitched hum of a thousand well-bred voices, the rustle of crisp garments, and, most insistently recurring, the drawling words of the minister irrevocably binding her to another.

Continue reading

Daughter’s Valentine – funny story


archer-viscous-coupling-sympathy-boner-595x669
Small Jenny arrives home from second grade and says to her daddy which they studied
about the legend of Valentine’s Day. “As Valentine’s Day is actually for a Catholic saint and we are Judaic,” she questions, “will Jesus get insane at me for serving somebody a valentine?” Jenny’s dad wait and thinks a little, then replies “No, I do not presume God could get crazy. Who would would you like to provide a valentine to?””Bin Laden,” she replies. “The reason why Bin Laden,” the girl’s dad questions in surprise.
“OK,” she states, “I felt that when a tiny bit American Judaic girl perhaps have enough like to provide Osama a valentine, he might begin to presume that perhaps we are only a few bad, and perhaps start passionate people a bit of. And if any other kids spotted what I would have done and directed valentines to Osama, he would love all of them. Right after which he would start going all around the area to tell everyone how much cash he loved them and just how he did not hate anybody anymore.”Jenny’s dads heart swells and suddenly he looks at his child with new found pleasure. “Jenny, that is one particular nice thing i have ever noticed.” “I understand,” Jenny says, “and when that gets him out in an open place, the Marines could easily catch him.”

                -The End-
Read more stories : prankfunvidoes.com
Follow us in twitter : @jesurajlove

William Sydney Porter (September 11, 1862 – June 5, 1910) O. Henry


William_Sydney_Porter_by_doubleday

The American short story writer O. Henry was born under the name William Sydney Porter in Greensboro, North Carolina in 1862. His short stories are well known throughout the world; noted for their witticism, clever wordplay, and unexpected endings.

Like many other writers, O. Henry’s early career wandered across different activities and professions before he found his calling as a short story writer. He started working in his uncle’s drugstore in 1879 and became a licensed pharmacist by the age of 19. His first creative expressions came while working in the pharmacy. he would sketch the townspeople that frequented the store and was admired for his artistic skills.

O. Henry moved to Texas in March of 1882 hoping to get rid of his persistent cough. While there, he took up residence on a sheep ranch, learned shepherding, cooking, babysitting, and bits of Spanish and German from the many migrant farmhands. He was a good musician and had an active social life in Austin, playing both the guitar and mandolin. Over the next several years, Porter took a number of different jobs, from pharmacy to drafting, journalism and banking.

Continue reading

The Best Funny Short Stories Baby Airplanes


funny

A mother and her inquisitive young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, “If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don’t planes have baby planes?”

The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, “If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don’t planes have baby planes?”

The flight attendant responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me that?”

The little boy admitted that she did.

“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you.”     

The End