Tuning AM/FM ( Adult Jokes)


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A sexy lady meet a handsome young man in a pub, after some drinks and a little tipsy the sexy lady said to the young man, “My mouth is like a loud speaker, my two breasts are for tuning, left one is for tuning the channel AM or FM and my right breast is for tuning bass and treble depending which mode you want.”

The young man was aroused by the young lady expression, and said to the lady, “I don’t believe it.”

Young lady said, “You can try it if you want”.

Young man said, “Ok come to my hotel room and prove it to me.”

They agreed and both holding hands and headed for the hotel room. Upon entering the room the young lady undressed herself and soon the young man start feeling the left nipple for AM/FM fine-tuning. After a while nothing happen. He changed to the right nipple and start rubbing with greater pressure.

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Scooby-Doo and the Beach Bestie (HD)


Scooby-Doo Goes Back to the Beach For An All-New Mystery

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In “Scooby-Doo! and the Beach Beastie,” the gang go to a resort in Florida for a much-needed vacation. It’ll be a relaxing time to kick back and enjoy some sun, sand and… a sea monster?! When a weird, water creature causes trouble in paradise by stealing precious jewels, the Gang will either sink, or swim to solve the case.

If you’re familiar with “What’s New, Scooby-Doo!” then you know what to expect from the new “episode” presented here. For the most part it’s just more of the exciting and madcap exploits the Mystery Incorporated bunch have been serving us for almost 5 decades now. There was one joke having to do with Scooby and his crush on another guest’s dog that could’ve been avoided.

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Peter Pan CHAPTER 2: THE SHADOW


Peter Pan

by J.M. Barrie

CHAPTER 2: THE SHADOW

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Mrs. Darling screamed, and, as if in answer to a bell, the door opened, and Nana entered, returned from her evening out. She growled and sprang at the boy, who leapt lightly through the window. Again Mrs. Darling screamed, this time in distress for him, for she thought he was killed, and she ran down into the street to look for his little body, but it was not there; and she looked up, and in the black night she could see nothing but what she thought was a shooting star.

She returned to the nursery, and found Nana with something in her mouth, which proved to be the boy’s shadow. As he leapt at the window Nana had closed it quickly, too late to catch him, but his shadow had not had time to get out; slam went the window and snapped it off.

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Jesus and the Easter Bunny


Jesus and the Easter Bunny

by Dr. Ralph F. Wilson

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Ask your average heathen youngster what Easter is all about and he’ll tell you about the Easter bunny, and finding Easter baskets filled with that annoying grass that seems to stick to household furnishings long after Easter is past. And those pastel foil-covered, football things that are a sorry excuse for real chocolate. And, of course, there are Easter eggs to dye and jelly beans — you’ve got to have jelly beans. Black beans are best.

“And mommy, that’s what Easter is.”

“Oh, Jason, how cute.”

How sad! Most children today don’t know beans about what Easter really means.

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Scooby Doo the haunted carnival


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One summer day scooby-Doo, Shaggy,Fred,Daphne,Velma,and Scrappy-Doo decided to take a break from detective work and go to a carnival. “Like lets investigate what kind of food they have,” Shaggy suggested. Shaggy Scooby, and Scrappy followed their noses to the hotdog stand as the others went to find games to play. With hotdogs in hand, Shaggy,Scooby, and Scrappy boarded the roller coaster. As they got to the top of the tracks Scrappy-Doo noticed that the ride attendant had disappeared. There was no one to slow down the cars as they headed toward a big curve! Scrappy jumped from the car, climbed down the ride, and pushed the brake lever to stop.

That was like too close for comfort” said Shaggy when he and Scooby were safely on the ground.Meanwhile,Velma,Fred,and Daphne were trying their luck at a dart game. One her very first try Velma popped a baloon. But the baloon was filled with paint that splattered everywhere! “Hey! What kind of prank is this?” Daphne demanded. She looked for the man wha had been running the game but he was gone.
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Confessions of a Teenage Blonde


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None of my yoga pants have actually ever been to yoga. My actual New years resolution: look like a Victoria’s Secret model. If pink and glitter were vitamins I would be the healthiest person alive If it’s pink and if it sparkles, I either already own it or I will. My mind says Victoria’s Secret model, but my heart says chocolate, Starbucks, wine. Too much glitter isn’t enough glitter. I believe shopping is the best calorie burner Every time I see a brunette I think, “Bitch please.

My straightener is hotter than you.” Pink makes everything pretty. If you don’t love pink, you’re wrong. I can’t wear it Friday night if I’ve already taken a picture in it. The Holidays require extra glitter. I wish my hair grew as fast as my nails. Whenever I get blood work done, the nurse is always surprised to see glitter in the vial. You can never be too blonde. You only have one life to live; wear the sequins, fall in love, buy the shoes and never worry about what negative people think. My blood type is pink glitter My closet is full of clothes with the tags still on them but I shop anyways. Continue reading

Funny Blonde and a Doctor


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A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt. She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt. The doctor told her to demonstrate.

She touched her nose and it hurt. She touched her stomach and it hurt. The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes. “Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!”

-The End-

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The Lion and the Statue


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Once upon a time in ancient Greece, a man and a lion were arguing with each other. The man said, “I am stronger than you are!” The lion got angry and insisted, “No! Never! How dare you say this! I am stronger!” Then, the man showed the lion a statue of Hercules tearing a lion in two.

The man said, “Look! I am stronger than you!” The clever lion replied, “A man made this statue. This is not how a lion would have made it! This sculptor did not ask this lion for his opinion before making the statue!” The man realised that the lion was speaking the truth. He said, “You are right. The reality is not always how we see it. Let us be friends!” The lion agreed and they became very good friends and never argued with each other again.

-The End-

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The Man and His Two Wives


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A man had two wives. One wife was named Sarah while the other was called Clara. The two wives hated each other and were always fighting. Now, the husband was a middle-aged man and he had white as well as black hair.

One day, Clara decided that the black hair did not look good on him. She wanted to pluck out all the black hair. The man did not want to make his wife angry and allowed her to do so. So Clara plucked out all his grey hair. When Sarah saw her husband, she was shocked. His hair was all white! Now her husband looked really old. To make him look younger, she insisted on plucking out all the white hair on his head. The poor husband was now totally bald trying to please both his wives.

 

-The End-

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A City Of Mice – Short Story


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Once there was a city. All the people had gone away from that city long ago. Now only mice lived there. They had dug holes in the ground and lived in them. So the city was now a city of mice.

One day a large herd of elephants passed through the city. They were on their way to the lake. As they marched through the city of the mice, their feet crushed the holes in which the mice lived. And thus thousands of mice were killed.

The rest of the mice held a meeting. “So many of us have been killed by these huge elephants,” they said. “If they come this way again, all of us shall be killed. We must ask them to find some other way back to their home.”

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The Funny Clever Wife


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There lived a Woman whose Husband had a bad habit. The man would drink a lot every day. This caused him to lose his normal senses for most of the time.

The Woman tried many times to help him get out of this habit. But all her efforts went in vain!

Every night, someone else would have to bring him back home. One such night when he was brought home, the Woman had him carried to a grave in the neighbourhood. She thought she could teach him a good lesson by frightening him and then he would stop his bad habit.

Then she dressed herself in a dark-coloured dress. She wore a mask upon her face. She waited for him to wake up.
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Noah’s Ark – And Why It Was Built (Genesis 5:1 – Genesis 9:17)


THE CHILDREN OF Adam and Eve lived to be very old. Their children also lived for several hundreds of years. And so it was that grandsons became grandfathers before their own grandfathers died. Thus several generations lived and worked together. After a while there were many people living in the world. 

 We do not know very much about those people of long ago except the fact that many of them were very wicked. Among them was one man, however, who, like Abel, tried to please God. This man’s name was Enoch. The Bible tells us that Enoch walked with God. We understand that he loved God better than he loved anything else, and talked to God and listened when God talked to him. Finally Enoch became an old man. At last, when he was three hundred and sixty-five years old, one day God took him away from earth to heaven, and he did not die. Enoch had a son whom he named Methuselah. This man lived for nine hundred and sixty-nine years, until he was older than any other man had ever been. Then he died, like all other people had done except his father Enoch.

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 By this time there were many, many people living in the world. And their hearts were so full of sin that their thoughts and words and deeds were all very wicked. They did not try to please God at all. They did not love him. They did not thank him for the blessings of food and shelter and sunshine which he gave to them. They did not teach their children to love good, pure things, but allowed them to grow up and become evil men and women like themselves. What a sad world this was! for sin was everywhere.

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