The three legged chickens


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A couple was driving the car on a country road. Suddenly a three legged chicken came running after the car, passed it and run into a side road.

“Wow!” said the husband “Did you see how fast that chicken could run!” Shortly after another chicken came and passed the car with a tremendous speed. The wife said “And did you see that it had three legs!”

Now they were really curious about these chickens so they descided to follow the road where the three legged chickens just went. Eventually they came up to a farm and to their surprise there were many three legged chickens running around. The farmer came out to greet them. Now they had to ask him about how is it possible to breed three legs chickens?

The farmer explained: “You see we are three in this family, me, my wife and our son. And every time we had chicken to eat, we all wanted the chicken club. So we tried and tried and managed to create a rase of three legged chicken so we all could have a club!

Fantastic! And how does this chickens taste?
“Well”, said the farmer, “there is a problem – we have still not been able to catch one!”

-The End-

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But dust or Butt dust? (best funny stories ever series)


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What Is Butt Dust???

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in
it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of20your panties. Mine say five to
six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so
much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom
window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s
me?’

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Sexy Blonde and Horse (Best fun ever)


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A pretty blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
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Catching the Blonde – Best Fun


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This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone’s weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He’s standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a gorgeous blonde, stark naked, with a sign saying

“If you catch me, I’m yours.”

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed. Before he knows it, he’s running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he’s about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He’s back on the street and starts to think.

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First Class Blonde


Blonde-Jokes

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that’s the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there’s a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blonde, I’m beatiful, I’m going to Detroit and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

“I told her first class isn’t going to Detroit.”

-The End-

Forrest Gump Goes to Heaven…


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The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.

Saint Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.”

Forrest responds, “It shore is good to be here Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”

Saint Peter goes on, “Yes, I know Forrest. But, the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? Third, what is God’s first name?”

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Daughter’s Valentine – funny story


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Small Jenny arrives home from second grade and says to her daddy which they studied
about the legend of Valentine’s Day. “As Valentine’s Day is actually for a Catholic saint and we are Judaic,” she questions, “will Jesus get insane at me for serving somebody a valentine?” Jenny’s dad wait and thinks a little, then replies “No, I do not presume God could get crazy. Who would would you like to provide a valentine to?””Bin Laden,” she replies. “The reason why Bin Laden,” the girl’s dad questions in surprise.
“OK,” she states, “I felt that when a tiny bit American Judaic girl perhaps have enough like to provide Osama a valentine, he might begin to presume that perhaps we are only a few bad, and perhaps start passionate people a bit of. And if any other kids spotted what I would have done and directed valentines to Osama, he would love all of them. Right after which he would start going all around the area to tell everyone how much cash he loved them and just how he did not hate anybody anymore.”Jenny’s dads heart swells and suddenly he looks at his child with new found pleasure. “Jenny, that is one particular nice thing i have ever noticed.” “I understand,” Jenny says, “and when that gets him out in an open place, the Marines could easily catch him.”

                -The End-
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A Religious Bear Hunter – Best Funny stories ever


This is one of the Funny bear stories…

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A man went out for hunting. He loved to hunt only bears. As the man trudged across the jungle searching for the bears, he got upon a big and sheer hill. As he thought that there might be bear on the other part of the mount, so he climbed up the sheer predispose and, just as he was pulling himself up over the previous projection of rocks, an enormous bear met him.

Violently the bear roared. It made the man so frightened that he could not keep the balance. He chopped down the mount with the bear close behind. As he fell down the mount, he mislaid his arms. When he lastly blocked at the base, he realized that his leg had been broken. Escape was not possible. So he (who was not religious at all) prayed, “God, if you turn this bear into Christian I would be glad with what you grant me for the future of my life.”

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The Halloween Surprise – Top US funny story


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A COUPLE was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

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Attitude Adjustment – Best Funny story


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A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest! You’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant snorting coke, so the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest! You’ll see, you’ll feel so good!” The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

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how business is done


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Father: “I want you to marry a girl of my choice.”
Son: “I will choose my own bride!”
Father: “But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.”
Son : “Well, in that case… ok.”

Next, Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: “I have a husband for your daughter.”
Bill Gates: “But my daughter is too young to marry!”
Father: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”
Bill Gates: “Ah, in that case… ok.”

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Funny blonde jokes – A microwave


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A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.
“Damn, he recognized me, ” she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, “I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”
“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.