Confessions of a Teenage Blonde


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None of my yoga pants have actually ever been to yoga. My actual New years resolution: look like a Victoria’s Secret model. If pink and glitter were vitamins I would be the healthiest person alive If it’s pink and if it sparkles, I either already own it or I will. My mind says Victoria’s Secret model, but my heart says chocolate, Starbucks, wine. Too much glitter isn’t enough glitter. I believe shopping is the best calorie burner Every time I see a brunette I think, “Bitch please.

My straightener is hotter than you.” Pink makes everything pretty. If you don’t love pink, you’re wrong. I can’t wear it Friday night if I’ve already taken a picture in it. The Holidays require extra glitter. I wish my hair grew as fast as my nails. Whenever I get blood work done, the nurse is always surprised to see glitter in the vial. You can never be too blonde. You only have one life to live; wear the sequins, fall in love, buy the shoes and never worry about what negative people think. My blood type is pink glitter My closet is full of clothes with the tags still on them but I shop anyways.

I have this fear of wasting a really cute outfit on an insignificant day. My blonde hair came from God, yours came from a box. I win. It doesn’t matter what time I start getting ready. I am always late. Things I liked as a little girl: Pink, dressing up, and glitter. Things I like now: Pink, dressing up, and glitter. My room was clean until I had to figure out what to wear. I don’t see the world in black and white, I see it in pink and glitter. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness obviously never went to Victorias Secret. I don’t know what you mean by “too much pink” There should be a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show once a month.

My eyelashes always hit the lenses of my sunglasses. Christmas would be perfect if it snows pink glitter! Blonde hair and pink were made for each other I don’t have too many clothes, I just don’t have enough closets. If it has to rain, can it at least rain glitter? Studies show that women who wear pink go farther in life. I am convinced heaven and Victoria’s Secret are the same thing.

-The End-

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